Someone trying to shame you into some kind of “proper” behavior is usually trying to persuade you to act against your own best interests.
Those who have gone along with the crowd and become miserable are most likely to try to drag you down along with them. Misery loves company.
Or perhaps they’re trying to convince you to sacrifice for a group, a “society” a “nation” an abstract “us” that will never give back.
Growing up I was always perplexed at the life advice of adults. They inevitably wanted young people to mimic their particular course in life, yet there was no indication they were especially contented with their lives. At best, they were better off than others. Fear of falling, of scarcity, of status loss seemed to motivate them far more than hopes of rising to anything better.
All the people pleasers who want you to be just like them are trying to trick you into moving away from your strengths, your position of power. An enemy army trying to goad you into giving up the high ground and engaging in battle on their terms.
When you realize people come in breeds, you realize we all have a natural battle plan in our blood that helped our ancestors succeed in having and raising successful kids.
As an outsider you have to learn their Plan is not yours.
The safest Plan is low risk, low reward.
The outsider is by nature high risk, high reward. The attrition rate is high but some make it. And when they make it, it’s on another order of magnitude.
It took many years to begin to free myself from the endless doubts buried in me by a lifetime of criticism and shaming.
The hardest thing was learning to trust my deeper instincts and let them guide me towards my Plan.
When everyone around tells you you’re doing it all wrong—that you are Incorrect—it’s very difficult to learn to listen to that instinct!
If we try to imitate someone else’s ways and constantly second-guess, we cripple ourselves, destroying any chance for success.
The people introverts see all around them are behaving naturally; they’re in their element.
They don’t even have to think about it because they’ve always been able to live out who they are without being punished or forced into hiding. They’ve been encouraged and built up, the way along their natural path smoothed for them.
The introvert’s equivalent isn’t trying to ape them, it’s learning to follow your own instinct to that same state of life.